The month of May marks new beginnings for high school and college students as they celebrate commencement ceremonies and next steps in education or career. For parents, grandparents, and former teachers, the proud moment of witnessing one’s child transform into an independent adult brings back early memories of late nights and hard days, of help with homework and shuttling to after-school activities. It’s no secret that good citizens are made, not born – and the family is the place where first principles about good citizenship, what it means to love, learn, and serve, are learned. Given the benefits of family stability on a child’s overall wellbeing, we’d like to focus on the ways that family structure and relationships make a graduate.
Family Structure Affects Graduation Rates
According to the Institute for Family Studies, children with married birth parents are “overrepresented” among select college attendees and graduates. Why? “Being raised by one’s married birth parents” increases one’s chances of getting through a select college even after controlling for parent education, family income, and student race or ethnicity – all of which are associated with student GPA’s and standardized test scores. Their analysis sheds light on how efforts to make college education available to students from “a range of family backgrounds” tend to ignore the advantages of having married birth parents as they aim for greater representation. Poverty is associated with greater family instability not simply because of the stress it puts on a parents’ marriage, but because it tends to go hand in hand with alternative family structures – single parenthood, living with one or more non-birth parents, etc. As the IFS notes, more efforts should be taken to secure “stable and strong families” for the social, emotional, and intellectual flourishing of future generations. How do we foster not only an honest appreciation of these advantages, but incentivize and form these stable and strong families ourselves?
What Makes for a “Stable, Strong Family”?
From the time we are very young, we are inculcated (directly and indirectly) with certain ideals regarding personal and educational achievement. Today’s ideals are very different from those of the earlier part of the 20th century, particularly when it comes to marriage and family. The Sexual Revolution, for instance, separated sex from childbearing and family formation. Young people today, if they want to get married at all, don’t necessarily view sex as something that should remain within the confines of the marital relationship. However, evidence suggests that marriage is becoming less and less accessible to those of lower socioeconomic status, especially as a degree and dual income become more the norm for American families. Sociologists Ron Haskins and Isabel Sawhill’s book, Creating an Opportunity Society, coined the idea of the “success sequence” to avoid or break out of cycles of poverty. Many people know it intuitively:
- Finish high school.
- Get a full-time job once you finish school.
- Get married before you have children.
Wendy Wang and Brad Wilcox observe that “97% of millennials…who get at least a high school degree, work, and then marry before having any children, in that order–are not poor by the time they reach their prime young adult years (ages 28-34).” The expectations bred by this sequence in the lives of parents can, in all likelihood, do wonders for children who grow up under their guidance, benefitting not just materially in statistically avoiding poverty, but by receiving the values of work and responsibility through example. Think about it: parents who adopted the success sequence themselves are more likely to pass on the attitude that schooling is important to their kids. While there are always outliers and not every child needs to attend college, young people need educational and work experience prior to getting married to learn how to carry the great responsibility of raising a family alongside a spouse. While the “success sequence” will differ according to a person’s type of education, job training, etc., the sequence has the effect of stabilizing one’s expectations for providing and taking responsibility.
Solid Marriage Is the Bedrock of Family
Of course, the success sequence does not guarantee a successful marriage, and family stability needs as its foundation a strong marital relationship between parents. Family Foundations, a course for couples expecting their first baby, takes an approach which appears to yield “positive changes in parents’ teamwork, leading to better parent mental health, parenting warmth and sensitivity, and ultimately leading children to feel less stress, experience less depression, cooperate more, form better friendships, and do better in school.” Their work discloses an essential link between children’s sense of security and their birth parents’ relationship, which leads to overall better outcomes – including educational ones. When children feel at ease knowing their parents can communicate effectively and problem-solve without resorting to personal attacks or insults, they have a greater sense of identity, confidence, and freedom to venture forth into the world. Just as the infant learns, through a secure attachment to his mother, that the world is a safe place because she is there for him, even older children and young adults need a sense of dependence in order to gain greater independence. They need the security of witnessing a positive relationship between their parents, if only to internalize that relationships of trust can weather the storms of life.
Graduation is Only One Measure of ‘Success’
Our primary task here at the Love and Fidelity Network is not simply to place achievement or success on a pedestal. The true end of any achievement, and of all our work in fact, is to live a full, generous life along with others – to enjoy relationships of trust and goodwill for the benefit of society and future generations. In the end, graduation is only one measure of success. In its fullest sense, “success” is something more holistic, more personal, and more relational than any job or degree can confer. Ultimately, our achievements are not just for ourselves, but for the world. We hope that our supporters who are members of the Class of 2022, or their family members, will do good work not only in their chosen fields but in sharing our holistic vision with others. In the meantime, congratulations to you graduates on your exciting achievement. And congratulations to parents and teachers, who have poured years of love and dedication into raising their children.
