That familiar sweep of emotion you experience when you spot your crush across the quad has inspired many a romantic comedy – nervous glance, pounding heart, butterflies and all. But while romantic feelings are an inescapable part of falling for someone, real love is more. Romantic gestures can be loving just as loving gestures can be romantic, but the warm and fuzzy feelings afforded by romance are only the ‘raw materials’ for true love. True love is distinct from mere romance – it requires commitment and perseverance, or what we like to call fidelity. Whether at the friendship, dating, or marriage stage, we should be able to discern genuine love from the frills of romance so that we can give and receive love, freely and fully.

Nobody can do without friendship – what’s better than having people to journey through life with? While we don’t get to choose our families, good friendships can become like family that we’ve freely chosen! Mutual appreciation, admiration, benefit, and interests all characterize friendship, but its essence is love – willing the good of one another, according to Aristotle. True friendship requires sacrifice, humility, and truth-telling, and however rare, is a lasting and mutually fulfilling bond. Not without disagreement or difficulty, it provides the foundation for respectful discourse, something our society struggles with. Though the breakdown of local institutions and widespread social alienation make it seem like true friendships are far more elusive in our day, any difficulty in acquiring them will be well worth it.

Pornography has existed throughout human history, but today’s online content is far from the pictures one might have stashed under the bed in pre-internet days. On-demand, high-definition video pornography is accessible on college campuses, in coffee shops, on public transit, and over streaming services – even to young children. Studies increasingly show that pornography alters your brain chemistry and, like a drug, can leave you dependent. Frequent users and their loved ones know the consequences: guilt, anxiety, depression, difficulty forming or maintaining relationships, erectile dysfunction, decreased pleasure, and increased risk of divorce. Not to mention the porn industry generates billions of dollars per year objectifying and exploiting young men and women, while aiding and abetting human trafficking. 

College is amazing, overwhelming, and confusing – all at the same time! It’s a time to test your skills, push intellectual boundaries, and make new friends who challenge you in unexpected ways. However, campus life also pressures you to conform. Drinking, hazing, and hooking up are sometimes prominent aspects of campus social life. Mandatory or elective sessions relating to sexual health, sexual assault, diversity and inclusion, or discrimination and equity may leave you confused about sex, marriage, men and women, family, and the purpose of free speech. If you feel that, despite good intentions, your college does not welcome all thoughts, ideas, and concepts in the genuine pursuit of truth – take heart. Learning to dialogue with kindness and good-humor will help you exert a positive influence on your friends, adversaries, and academic community.

Femininity describes a set of traits, behaviors, and roles which find their root in the biological female sex. Irreducible to mere appearances or personality traits, femininity meaningfully captures the constellation of habits and experiences particular to women. Customs, mannerisms, and clothing are concrete ways we render the unalterable reality of female experience visible, though they are subject to change over time. Women are not defined by society’s standards, but rather by their biological disposition to become mothers. While menstruation and childbearing may not be experienced in the same way by every woman, these distinctly female capacities nonetheless shape every woman’s psychology and daily life. While historical stereotypes about women at times lead to distorted views of femininity, we must avoid treating femininity and feminine markers as arbitrary.

Masculinity describes a set of traits, behaviors, and roles which find their root in the biological male sex. Irreducible to mere appearances or personality traits, masculinity meaningfully refers to the constellation of habits and experiences particular to men. Men have the capacity to become fathers – a fact that influences their psychology and daily life, and calls for self-mastery through discipline. Men and masculinity have unfortunately been regarded with suspicion in today’s society, with the entertainment industry depicting men as hapless buffoons (the Homer Simpsons) or domineering abusers of power (the Don Drapers). Bereft of positive masculine role models, especially in the form of father figures, our society increasingly lacks direction and order. Despite what we see in the media, men will always have the natural capacity and propensity to lead and provide.