Earlier this year, Katherine Angel’s Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again made waves when it served up a challenge to one of the reigning totems of contemporary feminism: affirmative consent. In it, Angel recognizes that “consent and self-knowledge” are not enough for good sex, as speech declarations can hardly capture the mutability of sexual desires in a heated moment. As we’ve argued in previous publications and blogs, consent offers no positive framework for how to handle our sexual capacities responsibly, and that’s to say nothing of how or why those capacities relate to our desires for life, love, and community. Part of the problem is that sex has become no longer about marriage or even plain intimacy, but a matter of performance, thanks to the influence of pornography. The fact that feminists are now evaluating what consent possibly means in a world so permeated by pornography should encourage advocates like you that our culture is in fact changing for the better.
The Limits of Affirmative Consent
Angel’s work makes clear that “affirmative consent” is just a sideshow when it comes to the whole picture of sex. Consent is a necessary criterion for healthy sex and a healthy dating culture, but affirmative consent as it is typically practiced can’t do the actual work of drawing and enforcing healthy boundaries for flirtation, seduction, or sexual activity – that’s up to the individuals faced with such decisions. Once we recognize the role of human agency and its accompanying moral responsibilities, on the other hand, it becomes obvious that preventing sexual assault is a low bar if your goal is to achieve “good sex.” It’s also a low bar if your goal is to achieve happiness in the long run. Rather than pushing for a mechanistic response which any well-adjusted toddler could accomplish, we should be forming individuals who are truly prepared to say “yes” and “no.” There is no such thing as “safe sex” apart from moral responsibility, because our safety involves all of our embodied experience, not just the physical use of our bodies. As much as educators are hesitant to weigh in on moral matters, they should be asking students these very questions so that they do not have to waste their time on ambivalent, ambiguous, and abusive relationships.
Make Feminism Anti-Porn Again
Come summertime and confirmation that PornHub has been profiting from sexual abuse involving minors on its website, self-declared feminists have turned their attention to the regrettable sexualization of everyday life, especially the “pornification” of desire. From the same outlets who’ve blasted critics of sexual liberation as backward defenders of patriarchy, we’re now getting cultural criticism on why Gen Z finds sex positivity “overrated” (Buzzfeed ironically posted this article in honor of Sex Week 2021) in part because widespread access to graphic, abusive content has reshaped sex in real life for the worse. In the Atlantic, author Helen Lewis quotes an Oxford University professor who felt reluctant “to cover second-wave criticisms of porn” for fear that her students would be “bored” or even insulted by the suggestion that porn could be anything but acceptable. To her surprise, female and especially male students deemed porn oppressive to women, citing its impact on their own relationships. While porn’s defenders are quick to invoke the rights to privacy and freedom of expression or the effect of controlling male sexual violence, there is astounding statistical as well as anecdotal evidence that porn does the opposite – it perpetuates male sexual violence, consumes individuals, and destroys relationships.
Teaming Up Where We Can Agree
We are asking you – our readers and supporters – to take this opportunity not to try and prove your opponents wrong where you disagree, but to partner with them to devise actual solutions to the problems posed by consent and pornography. College students are especially affected by this, and they cannot afford a silent majority standing by as they witness and experience deficient relationships. If you’re an adult and you know what is happening on college campuses, demonstrate to friends and relatives why it’s so pressing to call out pornography out for what it is, and to offer more substantive education on consent than “yes means yes, and no means no.” If you’re a student, don’t be afraid to speak up for marriage and sexual integrity on your campus. Chances are, most of your peers have contemplated these issues themselves, and are unsure how to resolve them. You can be a great force for good where you are, wielding the virtues of courage and friendship.
