Reading Abigail Shrier’s recent New York Times piece, “To Be Young and Pessimistic in America,” is a stark reminder that each generation must face new kinds of adversity. Today’s youngest generation, Gen Z, is simultaneously contending with the contemporary technological landscape and its impact on our society while helping to shape the future in how they choose to integrate the two. And they should be good at this – after all, Gen Z is the first generation to grow up fully immersed in the online environment, and arguably best equipped to navigate its ever-evolving landscapes.
The Shifting Landscape of Social Life
However, according to academic psychologist Dr. Jean Twenge, Gen Z’s near-constant time online has transformed their social lives, turning them into the “loneliest generation on record.” One could dedicate an entire tome to the question of why Gen Z exhibits far higher rates of anxiety, depression, and self-harm than any other generation on record, but to put it simply, the Internet has been far more formative for them than for previous generations. Gen Z is, in a sense, the test case as to whether more information faster is better and a globalized society actually tends to promote better outcomes for health and happiness. In sum, it doesn’t. As Dr. Twenge suggests,
“Try to put yourself in the shoes of someone who can’t remember a time before the smartphone, can’t remember a time before social media. Can’t remember a time when it was perfectly normal for 16- or 17-year-old kids to go drive around by themselves and hang out and have fun. It makes sense that they might not be particularly happy.”
Add to this that life online can be unforgiving – especially on social media, where participants who desire to be seen, loved, and accepted subject themselves and others to intense levels of scrutiny beyond that of real life. Interactions themselves are mediated by algorithms and interfaces, and the stakes of “getting it wrong” with an online persona have become exceedingly high – including rejection and humiliation, cancellation and character assassination, should you present the wrong view or the wrong appearance. Social media (and other online activity for that matter) adds a meta-layer to social life where it did not exist before, while also detracting from it by redirecting the currency of our attention away from cultivating in-person relationships and experiences.
Redirecting Attention, Detracting From Relationship
Everyone wants to love and be loved, but it’s possible to seek love in counterproductive ways. One (misguided, one-sided) way of desiring friendship, for example, is seeking validation from friends through social media. Another is to communicate with friends predominately on devices or platforms rather than real life. And when it comes to romance, placing a premium on people as products in online dating detracts from the messier, in-person work that could lead to a relationship. There is plenty of evidence that constant online connection has redirected and attenuated attention spans in ways that reshape our desires for intimacy. The decline in marriage rates and rise in the number of apologists for consensual non-monogamy reflect widespread cynicism about the possibility of exclusive, lifelong relationships and doubt as to the nature of familial obligations thereof. Likewise, many belonging to Gen Z have had their worlds shaped by social media – including a general lack of desire for marriage and family. Dr. Twenge thinks that the combination of education about “the risks of sexual assault and disease” and the emphasis on pursuing a “professional course” may contribute to this avoidance of emotional involvement, also known as “catching feelings.”
Addressing Gen Z’s Fears
Aspiring to marriage and kids seems impossible, if not outright ridiculous, to a generation raised after the sexual and Internet revolutions. They’re disposed to believe that traditional marriage amounts to sex negativity, rigid stereotypes, and antiquated notions of femininity, that it’s oppressive and quashes sexual desire. Meeting people who want to marry, let alone who want to date, is a project in and of itself. With the myriad lifestyles and identities proposed by celebrities and influencers, it can seem that there’s no “right way” to live or to pursue relationships. In fact, and what many young people are beginning to discover as a result of the #MeToo and gender identity movements, is that sexual difference is real and that true intimacy requires time, intentionality, and boundaries. As Gen Z lives through this complicated time, they need practical guidance to rediscover the goods of chastity, marriage, and civic commitments. Addressing Gen Z’er’s fears will first require diverting their attention away from the latest Tik Tok toward the things that last. Encouraging them to reflect on the aforementioned goods, with an appeal to consider the totality of human welfare and dignity in relationships, will go a long way in bringing them back from virtual reality to the fullness of presence in social life.
