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Gratitude & Receptivity

Sep 16, 2021 | Life and Culture, Love and Romance

At the beginning of a new relationship, the future can seem limitless and full of promise. Nothing can dampen your feelings for your beloved, and it feels like you’re walking on sunshine. But as soon as the concrete, sometimes inconvenient truths about yourself and your beloved seep through that initial idealism, a relationship meets the first of many great tests that can transform it into something more stable and lasting. Anyone can imagine how adversity might ruin a relationship, but longtime married couples can attest to the reality that radical commitment to the right person is the key to a successful marriage. Whether you’re in the middle of discerning a relationship or persevering in marriage, gratitude and receptivity are crucial qualities to cultivate.

Gratitude and Sexual Communal Strength

When a person cultivates gratitude for their life, their partner, and what they’ve been given, they tend to express greater generosity than those who do not. Gratitude has been correlated with the motivation to meet a partner’s sexual needs, in a measure known as sexual communal strength. Those who are high in communal strength, according to a 2004 study, “give to their partners to enhance their well-being without the expectation of direct reciprocation, as opposed to giving quid pro quo where a favor is contingent upon receiving something in return.” Furthermore, the authors add, “communally motivated people are more willing to sacrifice their own self-interests for the sake of their partner or the relationship” in both sexual and non-sexual ways. According to a 2021 study, experiencing or receiving gratitude at one time was associated with increased sexual communal strength the next. In other words, having experienced gratitude for something a partner has done for you, or having received your partner’s gratitude for something you have done, increases overall motivation to give without expectation of anything in return.

Gratitude and Receptivity in Relationships

So how can we grow in communal strength, so as to grow in relationship? Gratitude and receptivity are the two things you’ll need to strive for. Noticing the favors your partner does for you certainly helps when cultivating gratitude, but it’s not the only thing you can do to strengthen your sense of gratitude. This is where receptivity steps in as a prior attitude that allows gratitude to flourish. Receptivity may be best described as the willingness to receive what you are given. To be receptive, you have to be willing to accept that the thing given is in fact a gift, not a tool or a means. In the realm of relationships, this means being not only being willing to receive a person and the things they may do (or try to do) for you, but recognizing those things as such. If you are unsure of the specific ways your beloved is trying to give to you, take this test to learn his or her love language (don’t take it on his or her behalf) and your own. This should help you begin to understand how both of you tend to communicate and receive love. In cultivating this greater receptivity, you will be in a better position to receive your beloved for who they are, quirks and all.

Learning How Best to Love Someone 

Disparities in sexual communal strength are one of the major sources of tension in marriage, often stemming from a general lack of awareness of one’s partner or an inability to be thankful for the ways one’s partner attempts to give through their sexuality. The same thing applies to people in relationships outside of marriage, in non-sexual contexts. Growing in your capacities for gratitude and receptivity can help you figure out how best to love someone in a relationship you’re discerning, or help you to discern out how best to love your partner or spouse. Furthermore, it means developing an active gratitude that goes beyond mere appreciation of the good things you have, motivating you to do be generous toward the people you love.

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