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In recent years, ethical non-monogamy has increasingly been promoted by organizations and institutions as a legitimate alternative to monogamy. Despite the United States’ long-standing legacy of monogamy and the limited influence of individuals engaging in behaviors most would have categorized as promiscuity or infidelity, today’s proponents of ENM claim that romantic, sexual, or intimate relationships with multiple people can not only be normal, but ethical. Contrary to the foundational Judeo-Christian understanding of monogamy as natural and religiously ordained – as well as the understanding that human beings are creatures with souls, free will, and the capacity to make moral choices – the sole ethical foundation of ENM is consent. Through the lens of consent, sexual morality is reduced to a single calculation in a contractual exchange – my “enthusiastic yes” for the satisfaction of your desire, regardless of its objective moral dimension. 

In the New York Times, on February 9, 2023, journalist Michal Liebowitz draws a fascinating parallel between the mutual identification of twins and that of spouses. After briefly recollecting her youthful impatience for adult couples who used the royal “we” – we liked that show; we love that restaurant – Liebowitz explains how her husband’s relationship with his twin brother taught her to accept a certain level of boundary porosity in her marriage. Contrasting the idea of the “pure relationship” with a “past vision of romance,” Liebowitz concludes that “surrendering one’s ‘I’ for the sake of the ‘we'” is the best antidote to the sickness of modern individualism.

A poll released on Wednesday (1/25/2023) by Pew Research Center found that 90% of parents “prioritize financial stability and job satisfaction” over marriage and family for their children. While not so surprising itself, it’s the finding that 30% of mothers and fathers responded that being a parent is the most important part of their identity, while 57% said that it’s one of the most important parts of their identity which makes one scratch their head. Why is it, as Time Magazine notes, that parents, who ostensibly feel parenthood is the most meaningful aspect of their lives, would rank other goods like financial stability and job satisfaction as more important for their children?

Anyone who has planned a wedding over the past decade knows how expensive it is. Between rising inflation, ever-expanding guest lists, family pressure, and a wedding industry which preys on social media perfectionism, cost-conscious couples are choosing to cohabitate, despite evidence that marriage confers greater financial benefits over time. While many couples believe that getting married before settling into a career, buying a car, or buying a house will set them back financially, it’s statistically more likely that not getting married will adversely affect their earning power and overall stability. Even more important than accepting marriage as a calculated risk with future financial benefits is welcoming the commitment that marriage brings. Weddings should not be an impediment to this, but an ushering-in of a unique, lifelong commitment between in which two learn to become one in light of their wedding vows, with the help of family and friends.

The U.S. Senate invoked cloture on the Respect for Marriage Act (RFMA), split 62-37, with 60 votes needed to end the filibuster and pass the bill. RFMA is set to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) passed by Congress in 1996, which defined marriage on the federal level as the union of man and woman and allowed states to refuse to recognize same-sex marriages conferred by other states – though parts of DOMA had been declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in United States v. Windsor and Obergefell v. Hodges, resulting in the requirement of all states to recognize same-sex marriage. If RFMA passes, as it is likely to do given yesterday’s Senate vote, states will be compelled to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states even if the Supreme Court were to overturn Obergefell and restore states’ authority to refuse marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Read on to learn how the bill’s passage could affect individuals and families.