The U.S. Senate invoked cloture on the Respect for Marriage Act (RFMA), split 62-37, with 60 votes needed to end the filibuster and pass the bill. RFMA is set to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) passed by Congress in 1996, which defined marriage on the federal level as the union of man and woman and allowed states to refuse to recognize same-sex marriages conferred by other states – though parts of DOMA had been declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in United States v. Windsor and Obergefell v. Hodges, resulting in the requirement of all states to recognize same-sex marriage. If RFMA passes, as it is likely to do given yesterday’s Senate vote, states will be compelled to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states even if the Supreme Court were to overturn Obergefell and restore states’ authority to refuse marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Read on to learn how the bill’s passage could affect individuals and families.
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Unleash A Marriage Revival
In its online journal Public Discourse, the Witherspoon Institute outlined some concrete proposals for reviving marriage in the United States, borrowing from the recently published second edition of Marriage and the Public Good: Ten Principles. Seven years after Obergefell v. Hodges and months after the toppling of Roe v. Wade, relations between the sexes, and American marriages themselves, are strained. Rates of divorce and separation have flatlined at historically high percentages, while more and more young people are opting out of marriage entirely – and drifting toward cohabitation and consensual non-monogamy. Despite this decline, the Witherspoon authors place their hope in the “pockets of reasoned resistance” originating in a small, but powerful movement toward upholding traditional marriage.
Relational Investments and Sexual Consumerism
In 2011, sociologist Mark Regnerus proposed that sex had become cheap – accessing it came to require less “emotional and financial investment” from men. While some have interpreted this idea as sexist or denigrating to women it is rather accurately describes a dynamic that has played out over the course of the past two decades with considerable consequences for both sexes. As men and women have adopted and manifested a consumeristic attitude towards each other, the result has been an overall decline in happy commitments – fewer and later marriages, higher rates of divorce and marital dissatisfaction, as well as higher levels of loneliness. These are the fruits of a culture that has failed to honor chastity, discernment, and indeed marriage as the locus of sexual activity, leaving young men and women with the sense that committed relationships are burdensome and complicated.
Gen Z Parents
Capita, a think tank dedicated to the flourishing of families and young children in particular, has written recently on what to expect from Gen Z as they become parents in light of contemporary sociocultural realities. In a presentation geared toward institutions and businesses titled “Are You Gen Z Ready?,” CEO Joe Waters and Openfields Senior Consultant Meghan Chaney anticipate how common characteristics of Gen Z (social justice-oriented digital natives) will inform their future consumption and expectations. Given Capita’s primary objective is to equip institutions to respond to the needs of parents and children, they also speak to how burgeoning demographic shifts will significantly alter the level of social support, available resources, and political clout Gen Z parents can bring to the table over the next twenty years.
Highlighting Fatherhood Post-Roe
In the wake of Roe’s overturning, the pro-life movement has shifted focus toward eliminating root causes of abortion, including economic hardship and lack of postpartum support. In addition to pushing back on calls to enshrine abortion into national law, pro-life groups and politicians are drawing up an agenda that would expand Medicaid and the Child Tax Credit, among other government programs, and provide paid leave and home visiting programs for mothers. While such an agenda certainly addresses some of abortion’s causes, it doesn’t get at the glaring omission in the national abortion conversation: the role of men.
Abolish The Family – And Then What?
Feminist academic Sophie Lewis, whose 2019 book on gestational surrogacy contained a call to abolish biological motherhood, is back with a new manifesto in 2022: Abolish the Family. A laudatory review in The New Statesman seriously considers that society as a whole should “feed, bring, up and educate the child,” and that “the narrow and exclusive affection of the mother for her own children must expand until it extends to all the children of the great, proletarian family” – words spoken by Soviet revolutionary and theoretician Alexandra Kollontai, who embraced “emancipatory family politics” in large part because of her parents’ unhappy marriage. Kollontai’s intellectual successors – radical feminists and gay liberationists, for example – continually return to her thought, even as the Soviet Union came to see that its own attempts to replace biological ties with socialist kinship failed spectacularly. The notion that the family is a “terrible” place to expect love and care is really an old one, albeit recycled for a generation supposedly embittered by its own experience of dysfunctional family life. But will they choose revolution or reform in the coming decades? The answer depends in part on our response to Lewis’ proposal.
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Parenting at Work, Working At Home
Recent articles over the past couple years have have decried the setbacks to women as a result of the pandemic, particularly regarding income loss and decreased work participation. Aside from the notion that a decline in female workforce participation must always mean an unintentional loss rather than the result of women’s intentional decision-making, recent workplace measures from the past ten years have enabled mothers to work, and demonstrate the advancements women and families have made in spite of an economic system inimical to family flourishing.
Home Improvement: Let’s Demolish Divorce
Between Christmas and New Years’ Day, a time when most families are celebrating the holidays, the Atlantic published “How I Demolished My Life: A Home Improvement Story” by staff writer Honor Jones, about her home renovation and subsequent divorce. Much like two recent critically acclaimed films which depict divorce as a kind of freedom from the limitations of marriage – Netflix’s Marriage Story and HBO’s reboot of the 1973 Swedish miniseries Scenes From a Marriage – Jones’ reflection dramatizes her own ill-defined quest for personal fulfillment, leaving her spouse and children, as well as their feelings, by the wayside.
At Home With the von Trapps
The Sound of Music is one of the most beloved musicals of all time, with its memorable story, songs, characters, and stunning scenery. While the film takes many liberties, it is based on the true story of the von Trapp family and their flight from Austria during the Anschluss. The real Maria von Trapp abandoned the path to becoming a nun, though she only overcame her hesitancy to marry Captain Georg von Trapp because of his children. Maria herself was in many ways unlike the breezy, free-spirited woman suggested by Julie Andrews. She was a devout Roman Catholic matriarch, loving yet tough and uncompromising in matters of faith and family.
Auld Lang Syne
Many of us will ring in 2022 with New Year’s Eve parties, champagne, and the Times Square ball drop. If you’re like most people, you’ve probably heard the song “Auld Lang Syne” and have no idea what it’s about, much less why we still play it. Why does this old-time song continue to be a favorite on New Year’s Eve despite its antiquated title, and what’s the point of singing it?
A Christmas Carol
Each time December rolls around, we’re bound to hear a few songs about walking in a winter wonderland, staying for a half a drink more, or catching sight of Mommy kissing Santa Claus. There’s something about the Christmas season – perhaps related to its theological origin as the moment in which God became a tiny human baby for mankind’s redemption – that prompts reflections on love. But there’s one carol in particular that stands out for its deep insights into what makes or breaks relationships, touching on themes of love, redemption, mortality, and generosity.
All Strings Attached Podcast
Angela Blair is a role model for sexual integrity. She won’t force her views on you, but she will share how she navigated college (UT Austin), fame (Miss Texas USA 2012 contestant), and Hollywood (Ready For Love, reality dating series winner) with complete integrity.
The Need for Roots
We all need community – people to live life alongside for better and for worse. For young adults, the transition between childhood and settled adulthood can be fraught with concerns about community. Despite attending college and landing their first jobs, young adults are still often unsure of where they wish to live and work in the long run, let alone whether or with whom they want to start a family. They are often painfully aware of the fact that until they discover their spouse or lifelong career, most relationships and jobs are not “the one.” This is exacerbated by what has been described by some as a lack of commitment (especially when the promise of better prospects call members of a would-be community elsewhere). Unfortunately, this state of affairs makes it difficult to stay rooted in place, and thereby to narrow down one’s options.
Revisiting What Makes a Family
Since the 1960’s, an increasing number of mothers and fathers have favored “time-intensive, child-centered” parenting approaches. Intensive parenting is a favored approach for parents who want to be involved with their children’s lives by guiding them, spending time with them, and preparing them for adulthood, with the understanding that these are also lifelong relationships. Though this hands-on vision of parenting has at times strengthened family unity, the stakes have been so raised much for family relationships to succeed at a time when there is a rapidly-expanding generational gap in values, politics, and expectations.
Rod Dreher on PHA campaign
I begin this email with a NSFW warning. The content and images below are not suitable for work and, most likely, you may find them inappropriate and offensive. Of course, Princeton’s University Health Services finds them valid and reasonable and worthy of campus-wide distribution. Read on to catch a glimpse of the social environment students must navigate in order to obtain a leading education in American.
Best Years of Our Lives – Veteran’s Day Tribute
To celebrate Veteran’s Day in 2021 with William Wyler’s The Best Years of our Lives is to regain the sense of community and shared humanity that was once taken for granted in the decades of mid-twentieth century America. This is the cultural period when the great films of the Golden Age were created in Hollywood. What we have lost, as social psychologist Jonathan Haidt points out in The Happiness Hypothesis is that “I believe that we have indeed lost something important–a richly textured common ethos with widely shared virtues and values. Just watch movies from the 1930s and the 1940s and you’ll see people moving around in a dense web of moral fibers.”
What is Eudaimonia?
Many of us have felt the sparkling allure of pura vida, the simple life, and hygge, the feeling of cozy contentment. Our culture urges us to keep what “sparks joy” and to “live your best life” through curated spreads and marketing campaigns. Each image, slogan, and promise represents a fragment of the kind of life one might call good – a life marked by joy, simplicity, and authenticity – but what does it mean to actually be happy, and what really is the elusive “good life” we always seem to want but can’t have?
Sex Ed Should Start Earlier
The New York Times says sex ed should start earlier than you think. Elizabeth Bruenig at writes in The Atlantic that modern porn education is totally unprepared for modern porn. As children start to wonder where babies come from and why, many parents may be at a loss for words when it comes to the sometimes very specific questions children have. Should they change the subject? Should they wait until an opportune moment to have the talk? If today’s headlines indicate anything, it is that parents are fighting an uphill battle when it comes to teaching their kids about sex before the surrounding culture – or other kids – do.
Now’s the Time to Work With Feminists
Earlier this year, Katherine Angel’s Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again made waves when it served up a challenge to one of the reigning totems of contemporary feminism: affirmative consent. In it, Angel recognizes that “consent and self-knowledge” are not enough for good sex, as speech declarations can hardly capture the mutability of sexual desires in a heated moment. As we’ve argued in previous publications and blogs, consent offers no positive framework for how to handle our sexual capacities responsibly, and that’s to say nothing of how or why those capacities relate to our desires for life, love, and community. Part of the problem is that sex has become no longer about marriage or even plain intimacy, but a matter of performance, thanks to the influence of pornography. The fact that feminists are now evaluating what consent possibly means in a world so permeated by pornography should encourage advocates like you that our culture is in fact changing for the better.
Bring Back (Real) Dating
Strategic dating is on the rise (or so we’re told by the Guardian), with women especially intent on setting boundaries in a world where dating can range from a coffee to a dinner, from casually seeing multiple people to being totally exclusive with another person – and may or may not include sex. Near-universal discontent with our society’s (bad) dating habits has spawned a plethora of groups dedicated to “dating strategies” broadly defined. Among these is the subreddit /r/Female Dating Strategy. Though it encourages women to establish boundaries and to be clear about their desires in dating, it does so by caricaturing men as inferior to women. How did this bitterness reach such a fever pitch, and what can we do to humanize the world of dating? Such strategies, along with others like /r/PickUpArtist, massively overcorrect for a lack of dating norms by denigrating or objectifying the opposite sex, promoting the use of others for personal pleasure, and neglecting the self-sacrifice required by true love. However, their chief failure consists in treating dating as an end in itself, rather than a means toward the end of marriage.
Men, College, and Competency
On Labor Day, the Wall Street Journal published two stories that, in the words of one commentator, “paint a dark picture of our nation’s future.” This picture includes a dearth of marriageable men for a growing share of college-educated women who are having babies outside of marriage. Some are quick to assert that since women today can access education, start a career, and have financial freedom in such large numbers, we should unequivocally celebrate this new development. After all, why is it a problem that women are overtaking men academically? The problem is that in an economy where specialists and managers are valued above tradesman, men who do not gravitate towards a college education have fewer work opportunities where they might be reasonably compensated, and this bodes badly for women and their children. Future generations will suffer if men lose work opportunities and women forgo marriage in record numbers, resulting in a dearth of healthy male role models absent from all children’s lives.
Gratitude & Receptivity
At the beginning of a new relationship, the future can seem limitless and full of promise. Nothing can dampen your feelings for your beloved, and it feels like you’re walking on sunshine. But as soon as the concrete, sometimes inconvenient truths about yourself and your beloved seep through that initial idealism, a relationship meets the first of many great tests that can transform it into something more stable and lasting. Anyone can imagine how adversity might ruin a relationship, but longtime married couples can attest to the reality that radical commitment to the right person is the key to a successful marriage. Whether you’re in the middle of discerning a relationship or persevering in marriage, gratitude and receptivity are crucial qualities to cultivate.
The Gravity of An Encounter
As students returned to campus this fall, many of them sat through orientation weeks with presentations that included guidance on safe sex practices. Foregrounded by concepts such as “consent” and “sex positivity,” there is often little to no vision of what healthy relationships look like, and no question as to whether physical intimacy should be a part of that picture. Universities continue to pursue this type of programming even as Gen Z becomes increasingly aware that concepts like “consent” and “sex positivity,” however much they comport with the progressive policies they support, have little to offer when it comes to finding real love.
The Gravity of An Encounter
As students returned to campus this fall, many of them sat through orientation weeks with presentations that included guidance on safe sex practices. Foregrounded by concepts such as “consent” and “sex positivity,” there is often little to no vision of what healthy relationships look like, and no question as to whether physical intimacy should be a part of that picture. Universities continue to pursue this type of programming even as Gen Z becomes increasingly aware that concepts like “consent” and “sex positivity,” however much they comport with the progressive policies they support, have little to offer when it comes to finding real love.
Back to School
If you’re just starting school, you’re probably thinking about a lot – perhaps you’re picking classes to add or drop, choosing a major, starting independent work, or thinking about life after graduation. If you’re a Love and Fidelity Network student, you may also be wondering how to start or grow your student group, organize orientation activities and schedule events. Whether you’re at the beginning or end of your college journey, we want to help you discover and refine your personal mission this semester. We also hope to inspire you, as a friend of our network, to dream up new ways of sharing your beliefs about family, marriage, and sexual integrity with peers.
Family Planning
Glimpse the “family planning” aisle at your local pharmacy, and you may get the impression that the phrase strictly refers to contraception, enhancement, or pleasure. This would be on par with the dictionary definition of the term, which is “the practice of controlling the number of children in a family and the intervals between their births, particularly by means of artificial contraception or voluntary sterilization,” and its secondary definition, “artificial contraception.” Whether you associate family planning with contraception or not, everyone can agree that family planning is ultimately about relationships, what we do in them and for them. Therefore, we should learn to view family planning as more than just deciding whether or not to get pregnant, and consider it in the full scope of its relational meaning.