Aaron Renn is an urban analyst who has written for a number of publications, including the Manhattan Institute’s City Journal. But he is also passionate about helping men become their best at time when the world is “ambivalent, at best” about masculinity. As a Christian, he is concerned to find that churches in America rarely if ever offer meaningful advice and formation to men on how to be men. To meet this need, he runs a blog called The Masculinist, along with a podcast where he discusses masculinity, culture, politics, and Christianity.
Men and Online Dating
One post of his on the subject of online dating was recently adapted for the Institute for Family Studies blog. in it, he urges men to limit their search for a mate to their locality with a motto reminiscent of the green movement: “date local.” This is because online dating sites and apps, while connecting people with more dating options (by the same token, increasing the likelihood of finding a lasting relationship), have “merged” smaller, more localized markets into “a single, global market.” As a result, “a few of the best or cheapest competitors reaped significant gains while many former champions or viable competitors lost out.” In other words, the globalization of dating, much like the globalization of the economy, has made it impossible for a majority of men to compete.
“Like” Inequality
One way to learn about the dynamics of online dating is to track the number of right swipes or “likes” received by different populations. According to an analyst at the online dating site Hinge, “like inequality” for men on Tinder is higher than income inequality in the United States. In terms of income inequality, Renn writes, “men’s like inequality (a Gini coefficient of 0.542) would rate as the eighth most unequal country in the world.” In the globalized world of online dating, an average-looking man in real life may be rated much lower in attractiveness simply by virtue of the constraints online dating places on potential partner evaluation. Women tend to rate only a handful of men as above average probably because their selection is based on limited criteria: age (30’s), personal appearance, grooming, and occupation.
Date Local!
Renn’s message to men looking for a lasting relationship is to date locally, since it is more likely that a woman will get to see who you are apart from the limited view of a dating profile. As we detailed in last week’s How to Hope newsletter, dating has gotten harder for most people over the past decade. It’s been hard for men to approach and express interest in women, especially in the age of #MeToo. It’s been hard for men and women to meet someone they could imagine marrying given widespread atomization, the decrease in church attendance and civic engagement, and the draining of local communities. It’s been hard for anyone to meet anyone during the pandemic. However, the fact remains that in dating as in life, it is important to let ourselves be seen for who we are, and it is much easier for someone to see more of us offline than online. If you’re struggling to date online, Renn says, “going back to the physical world and social circles of yesteryear may be a better option,” since “there’s more opportunity to convey who you really are and showcase your best attributes as a man.”
